systolicarray | ://i have no heart

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://i have no heart

[ it's dark. his internal chronometer reads 9:45pm. it had taken less than an hour to wrap up the hostage situation, and he'd left almost immediately after to catch a cab back to the cyberlife tower.

the reason why he's currently standing on a curb, under the harsh glare of a street lamp, is obvious without words: the cab parked nearby, smoking under the hood, is the culprit. he had called a second cab fifteen minutes ago, but had been warned that it might arrive late. there was currently high traffic congestion in this part of the city, and several cabs were stuck in the backup of vehicles. this was partially due to the streets around the phillips' apartment building being blocked off for several hours.

a moth had broken free from the allure of the street lamp to orbit around his head— it bumped into his LED twice, attracted by the glow. connor stepped sideways, and it followed him.

he waited for his cab to arrive. he didn't didn't think about daniel, or emma. he waited. ]

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[ connor recovers by catching himself with a hand on hank's shoulder, but he sinks down the rest of the way once he has. he misses sitting on his thigh and sits down between his knees, instead, looking appropriately dazed, his LED flickering rapidly. his head wobbles, and he braces his cheek against hank's leg. ]

Excuse me. I miscalculated the change in thirium pressure reinstalling my damaged limbs would cause. My thirium volume is down by... by forty percent.

( Hank didn't know the particulars of what that meant, but he knew 40% meant it was low comparable to 100%. He settles a hand on Connor's head, and pets the brunette hair down and to the side. A frown settles on his lips while he huffs. )

Jesus. So, what you need another 60% to be stable? ( He couldn't help but imagine Connor wobbling around the home like he was drunk. )

[ connor gives a sluggish nod and closes his eyes, his head lolling against hank's hand. "tired" isn't something that he can imagine, but if he had a point of reference, he would also know that this sensation approximates it. his eyelids droop, sluggish, and his breathing comes a little slower, a little deeper. there are no more leaks, so he won't have to worry about the volume decreasing any further and preempting his shut down, but... ]

Why didn't I order any thirium?

[ it was a glaring omission. he must be running at lower capacity than he thought. ]

( Hank lightly chuckles, although the noise was a facade to the real genuine intention to connect with Connor in this situation. He exhales and continues to gently stroke his hand over Connor's head. He thinks about the previous night and their conversation about following Hank to bed.

What implications were left to the imagination, and Hank's ultimate refusal to start down that path. However, it was clear to him how he felt about Connor and what he wanted.

Even though he said he would wait, it didn't occur to him until now that he didn't have any certainty that Connor would ever get to that place with Hank. That Connor regarded Hank in any way other than a familiar and useful person, someone who Connor could use as a resource.

Would Hank be satisfied if that's all he was to Connor? These thoughts put a frown on his face, but he continues to comfort himself with the gentle caress of Connor's soft hair. )

... Hank?

[ he hadn't responded, had he? or had he missed it? he pries his eyes open, peering up at him. the low thirium warning flashed an angry red. if he lost another ten percent he would be in danger of imminent shut down. his vision blurred, his reflexes impaired, it would be difficult to move, but not impossible. it was a little ironic, wasn't it, that giving him his mobility back would result in its loss for a second time?

his brows draw together in a squint, like he's struggling to focus. even through his hair, his hand feels warm. ]

( Hank is still, he even holds his breath as he peers down at Connor. Those beautiful brown eyes glancing up at him, they look tired... they look human.

Hank's jaw tightens. He knows what he'll do, what he'll say. He moves his hand down from Connor's head to the front of Connor's throat. He caresses the flesh over Connor's throat, strokes the length up to Connor's jaw, then down again to his chest. )

I can order some from the website. Just... stay still.

There's no danger. My processor is... just...

[ struggling to keep up with the demand his body requires. much like the human brain, an android's processor required a tremendous amount of energy. his battery, as far as he was aware, should be fully charged (he'd been topping off every time he returned to the cyberlife tower) but thirium was required to transfer that energy to the various parts of his body. data transfer also became much slower as a result.

he was thinking of telling hank these things, but he couldn't quite muster up the willpower to do it.

and, on top of everything else, his hand on his throat was distracting. he raised his own hand to try to follow it, his fingers gripping weakly around hank's wrist. he squeezes before allowing his arm to go limp again. ]

Okay, Lieutenant.

( Hank's convinced Connor's is safe. Maybe plugging in more ... limbs caused a power drain on the limited source of thirium? Hank likens this to plugging in an electronic to an outlet that can't produce the required power. )

Good, relax.

( He strokes Connor's neck a few more times before he hoists Connor back up onto the couch. He settles Connor next to him and offers a satisfying pat to Connor's knee before he leans forward to retrieve the laptop.

He visits the site from before and navigates the selections to where he has a few options of the liquid power. )

Any... particular ... one?

[ connor's eyes flutter when Hank picks him up; his body is a bit lighter than it would usually be, and his attention is scattered. but when hank asks him his question, he manages to wrestle it back into place, picking up his head from where it'd fallen onto hank's shoulder and bracing himself against his arm to squint at the screen.

he doesn't actually need to, but just to be certain— ]

I'll need six standard sized packs to replenish fully. You might... want to get a few extra, but it's not required.

Do they expire? ( Hank was totally for overindulging on things, especially liquid things. However, he didn't want to spend the money on something that would expire. He liked to think about having a reserve around for Connor, not because he anticipates the brunette getting anymore damaged, but just in case he needs a top off every so often. )

No. Not for several thousand years, at least.

[ it could've been a joke, if he was able to muster up the strength for it. unfortunately, he isn't.

his voice comes out a little hoarse. ]

As long as thirium isn't... isn't exposed to open air, it can last almost indefinitely. But once exposed, it evaporates very quickly. The seals between an android's modular parts aren't perfect. That's why it's necessary to refill occasionally.

Alright, we'll grab ten then. ( It seemed like a good even number. It'll give Connor a few extra, and they can store it some place safe and convenient. Hank adds the product to the cart. He looks to Connor. )

Can you think of anything else at the moment?

[ connor makes a sound that seems to be a negative and closes his eyes again, his LED blinking a slow but steady yellow, yellow, yellow. there are other things they may need in the future, but none seem worth wasting the energy on at the moment. ]

( Hank waits a few minutes, the laptop idle on his lap and his arm comes to settle around Connor's shoulders. He holds Connor close to him, and his head rests on Connor's brunette hair. He closes his eyes and imagines how easy it would be to fall asleep like this.

Save for his cold toes. Goddammit. Why is it that just when you get comfortable, something always intolerable comes to fuck that shit right up?

He puts the order through with his free hand, and once that's finished, he closes the laptop and puts it off to the side. )

Come on; I'll take you to bed.

[ connor makes another sound, soft, and lifts his head to look at hank with bleary eyes. he gives an awkward smile, like he's attempting to be the one to reassure, and then follows up with a wobbly nod. ]

Good idea, Lieutenant. I should...

[ what? oh, right— ]

Stasis. Run diagnostics and repair.

You should just relax. Try not to exert any more thirium than you need.

( Hank frowns. He waits a moment before he stands and collects Connor into his arms. The added weight was noticeable, but it wasn't unmanageable. Hank relocates them to his bedroom, where he lays Connor down on the bed and pulls the sheets up over him. He takes a moment to appreciate the sight of the brunette in his bed, looking quite appropriate for the occasion, before he walks around the bed and gets into it next to Connor.

He doesn't shy away from snuggling up to the brunette. His arm was around Connor, and his knee presses against the other. )

You're going to be okay. I'll take care of you.

[ if he was in better condition, he might make a comment at that. androids didn't relax, not really, but it's difficult enough to speak and he's certain that hank is only trying to be helpful. the words i'll take care of you solidify the impression, once he's been safely tucked into hank's bed. and it's bizarre, to really stop and consider it, when before he had spent so much time in stasis at cyberlife tower, in a charging bay the size of a small closet. an android's comfort doesn't need to be considered, but the lieutenant is considering it.

although he's somewhat stiff in hank's arms, he still watches his face with some sense of expectation. he tries to imagine what would be the appropriate response to such words, but for all his advanced programming, he can't figure it out. ]

If that's what you want, Lieutenant.

[ for a moment he only meets hank's eyes, without saying anything more, and it almost seems like he might make an addendum to that statement, but— ]

I'm going to go into standby now. If you need me for anything, you only have to wake me like you would a human.

( Hank snorts, his hand comes to Connor's hair, and he brushes his fingertips down from Connor's head to his face, then to his neck. He gently tickles his fingers across the surface of Connor's flesh. It feels human, but softer and coated - like if Connor had just put on some lotion. Hank wonders about this "standby" business but is soon swept away by other thoughts as he imagines Connor sleeping, dreaming, and what it would be like to rouse him.

He imagines the sunlight creeping through the room and warming Connor's flesh with a bright light. His hair a mess and free from that comb-over Connor likes to do. Hank finds himself smirking, content to fall asleep with the thought of a morning Connor.

When Hank stirs, he can see the sunlight filtering through the curtains. For a moment, he lies in bed, allowing himself some time to stir awake. He also turns to look at Conner. The brunette seems to be sleeping. Hank shifts from beneath the sheets and sits up on the edge of the bed. He wiggles his toes and wipes his palm over his face. He treks across the room and out. He uses the restroom before he heads into the kitchen to find something to eat. After he finishes eating, he wanders around his house to find his cellphone. He sits in the front room and calls Fowler. The conversation goes as well as he anticipated it would. He promises Fowler he'll finish up the cases he's working on, but after those, he's going to be taking a long break. Fowler wasn't impressed with the sudden request for a leave of absence, and he tries to get more information from Hank about why. Hank bluntly refuses to disclose any reasoning to Fowler. After the phone call, he sits in the living room and turns on the television. Though he does a bit of thinking about what their next move should be. Should Hank and Connor go out of town for a while? Hank already expressed his wish for Connor to lie low. Hank then recalls he needs to order Connor some clothes.

He spends about an hour on his laptop, adding shit to a cart from a local store that will deliver to him today. He adds a few groceries and other household items before he finalizes his cart and puts the order through. Afterward, he makes his way back to his room to check on Connor. He sits himself down on the edge of the bed and begins to stroke Connor's hair. )

[ connor rouses, not at the first touch, but as the attention sustains. his LED flickers as his eyes come open, and he turns his head to peer at hank. the memories of the day before, freshly sorted in his mind, recall themselves to him. the lieutenant's rescue, his replacement parts arriving in the mail, his body whole and (mostly) unblemished now that the repairs were (mostly) completed.

he just needed to replenish the very thing that made him tick.

from where he's laying, he squints up at hank like he's still sleepy, somehow. ]

Lieutenant? Has my thirium arrived yet?

( Hank huffs. The first thought that comes to mind is Connor's self-preservation. Secondly, the way Connor addresses him, as if they hadn't slept in the same bed, as if there wasn't an intense encounter between them. Hank considers he's working from a different perspective. Connor doesn't share the way Hank sees him.

Where was that self-preservation the night Connor went out with the SWAT team? Would Connor just obey whatever a human asked of him? Despite what would happen to him? Does Connor feel like Hank is just some superior who has the power to delegate what Connor's next move is? Hank wants to believe there's more to why Connor agrees to remain here. Hank wants Connor to want to be here.

Hank wants Connor to feel for him. If Connor knows that, would his responses be satisfactory to Hank's desire, and how would Hank know they were genuine?

This greeting, alone, is a cold wash of realization. "Lieutenant" wasn't as familiar as Hank would have wanted. However, this is the genuine interaction he wants to keep between them. )

No, not yet.

[ connor can sense the disappointment. under different circumstances, he might even be able to guess its source. but the circumstances have currently conspired against him to keep him from acting in peak condition. he gives a lazy blink and a small, polite smile, a genuine as he's capable of being, before he shifts to sit up.

once upright, he lists to the side unsteadily, blinking hard, his LED shining yellow for a brief moment. ]

Then I regret to inform you I won't be capable of acting at full capacity.

[ he shakes his head like a human trying to shake off sleep, but it only makes him wobble. ]

( Hank nods to Connor's shake of his head. ) It'll be here soon.

I wanted to tell you that I will be taking it easy at work for the next few days, and then I'll be taking some time off. We can lie low together.

( Both of his hands settle on his lap. His eyes move from Connor's face to the soft brunette hair he had been exploring. )

All right...

[ peering closer, connor squints like he's afraid he wasn't certain of what hank had said. but reviewing it makes it obvious: there's no error. ]

What does 'lying low together' entail, exactly?

It means... We don't draw any attention to ourselves. We wait to see if CyberLife will be looking for you, what the DP is going to do... Fowler hasn't said anything about you to me, but ... I don't think he would. ( He pauses, wipes his palm down his face, then runs his fingers through his hair. It's not a seamless stroke as his gray strands are tangled; he hasn't brushed his hair yet. )

I'll need to feel the mood when I get into work. See what's going on.

[ connor presses his lips together, nodding at the appropriate moments. truth be told, it was difficult to imagine when he would be able to stop lying low. would cyberlife let him be, even if they had already given up on him? ]

And what will I do in the meantime? I have to serve some function.

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